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Cul de Cuvée: 04 August 2023
Bluntly-curated booze bits served up "mostly fresh" by Hudin.com
It may be summer, but that doesn’t mean the scandal machine is taking time off for holidays!
Steaming hot out of the Press Release Pipeline is a final resolution in the legal action filed by Basque restaurant, Mugaritz, against their former head sommelier, Guillermo Cruz. Mugaritz accused Cruz of stealing tens of thousands of Euros worth of wine from their cellar which he then sold, keeping the money. Cruz said that what he sold was actually his own wines and claims that there was a mix up.
Despite legal actions taking ages to file and resolve in Spain (which is why no one usually bothers) Cruz has been found guilty of 22,000€ of theft and sentenced to two years in prison (ES).
What’s made this case strange in how it’s progressed is the amount of press releases sent out to the Spanish media and then Cruz’s public face not showing the least bit of acknowledgement that this has been happening. Also, this is an exceedingly stiff sentence handed down to Cruz which he has stated he’ll appeal so there will eventually be a bit more on this. It will be interesting to see however if Barcelona Wine Week invites him back as a “ponente” next year as they did just this past February.
As if to make up time for the scandal-less previous edition of the CdC, here’s another news item of thieves stealing over 100,000€ worth of wines from a shop in the Empordà region of Catalunya. It’s a little easier to prove this one as they did a flat-out yoink! in front of the security cameras.
In more ‘angelic’ news, it appears that British Airways will shortly be opening the (allegedly) “highly anticipated Whispering Angel bar" in Heathrow’s Terminal 5. Liquid angel maker, Château d'Esclans claims it will “bring a touch of glamour to Heathrow” which will be great news to everyone stuck there during ever-present flight delays due to high winds, border control bog downs, lost luggage, or the general oeuvre of corporeal malfeasance. When (not actually) asking Château d'Esclans for comment as to why they didn’t think Stanstead might need more of this “touch of glamour”, they (didn’t actually) reply, “You’re joking, right?”
From the Department of GTFO! it appears that Ste. Michelle in Washington State have told growers they’ll be buying 40% less of their grapes over the next five years. Given that Ste. Michelle currently buys from about 70% of all the vineyards in the state, it certainly sounds like it will be a move along the lines of a certain sparkling wine region in Southern Europe.
Speaking of harvests, it has indeed started (CAT) in a great many parts of Spain including the Penedès region with the first Pinot Noir and Chardonnay grapes for sparkling wines coming in. At a day earlier than last year, it’s the earliest in history and exceedingly terrifying as at this rate, they’ll eventually have to call off Easter Week travel plans to begin the picking. If only there was something we could do to affect a change in this current climate…
New wine taxes have gone into effect in the UK which make pretty much everything more expensive, except sparkling wines and all under the umbrella of making no freakin’ sense. Want to learn more? Then read on up and get yourself a very, very stiff drink, if you can afford it.
From the Desk at the Back of the Room that No One Checks comes word that this past March, Monster energy drink released a line of 6% alcohol drinks that are sans the energy bits. This will come as great news to no one who isn’t teenager who had been thinking, “Dang, love that Monster taste, but what about making it like, boozy? Can I get a ‘whassup’?” Somehow this is still less worse than the rebranding of Twitter because anything is less worse than
Our crack team of the Mirror, Mirror Focus Group brings word that apparently there’s a specific red wine that improves skin aging. The wine in question? A non-alcoholic Muscadine which some might simply call, “grape juice”. So there you go, drink Muscadine (a vitis rotundifolia variety) and enjoy a healthy glow that only grape juice can provide, maybe.
In the July issue of ‘Karens in the Air’, an aggressive woman forced a United Airlines flight to divert because she couldn’t drink any wine. Don’t confuse this with the guy who went ballistic because he couldn’t get his pre-flight Gin & Tonic and was escorted off a plane literally crying the whole way. Nor should it be confused with the guy served 10 Vodka drinks who sexually assaulted a woman and her daughter on a flight from NYC to Athens. And no, it also shouldn’t be confused with the American football team of the Cleveland Browns trashing the flight they were on.
Um… is it that these kinds of things only happen on US flights or is that only people on US flights film/report/sue them?
In the very real struggle to continue producing wine in a ever-changing world, it appears that there are microbes that can be beneficial to thwarting the effects of Climate Change in grape vines which will come as welcome news to people who were out harvesting starting on 26 July. Now if they can only find microbes that could make a certain mass-market Pinot Noir in US, “palatable”.
Up from the Bureau of Underwater Shitz is news that a 2,000 year-old Roman ship was found with most of its cargo still intact. This includes hundreds of sealed amphorae containing wine which will give everyone attempting to pitch the gimmick of sea aging a run for their money if said group hasn’t already taken your money, and run.
And lastly, in case you’re one of the four people not at a Taylor Swift concert this summer and only made it see the Barbie movie, then this has apparently become the official Barbie cocktail you can make at home. Just remember to keep a frozen ice rose in your freezer at all times and then toss together what is essentially the really poor man’s version of the otherwise noble, French 75 cocktail.
In the aftermath of the break up saga between Spanish pop star, Rosalía and Puerto Rican singer, Rauw Alejandro, we’ve learned that he apparently hates olives. Obviously, his being with a girl from Spain (where you can get gourmet olives at highway gas stations) was simply doomed from the beginning…
Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.