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Cul de Cuvée: 08 July 2023
Bluntly-curated, boozy bits, served up "mostly fresh" from Hudin.com
Dear readers, we wouldn't be properly starting the latest edition of Cul de Cuvée unless there was yes… scandal!
In this case it's the scandal of scandals as Matt de Neef from the cycling world has written up the story of Aaron Timothy Brown aka Timmer Brown aka Tim York (and probably other names) who is a con man with an oeuvre that’s spanned the: cycling, wine, art, and film worlds. It's an epic story of an utter bastard who’s left misery everywhere he’s been. Apologies if the paywall snags you, but hopefully you can read it as it’s very long, detailed, and simply insane...
For those who didn’t hear, the Master of Wine exam questions are out. This way, everyone who hasn’t taken the exam can think, “Well that doesn’t look too hard” and for all those who did they can think, “Shit….”
Moët Hennessy is allegedly “quite chuffed” to open a new cocktail venue in Paris called, “Cravan”. It’s destined to be a home of “exceptional cocktails” with a celebration of mixology and… sorry, I mean, “cravan”? Really? I just keep seeing “craven” when I read that as in this is the official hideout for the International League of Cowards. My only hope is that you can’t un-see this now either.
What's just over a meter tall and holds 60 regular bottles of wine? If you thought it was Michel Rolland then that’s on you because it’s definitely not Michel Rolland, even if it seems like the obvious answer should be, Michel Rolland, which is isn’t. Sadly, the truth is far more boring and we’re talking about a 'Zeus', the new 45l sparkling bottle that's been launched by Luc Belaire. It was "seven years in the making, crafted by aerospace engineers" so that all future party hosts will be able to say, "How can I show that I'm overcompensating in a way that leaves zero doubts?"
It appears that some Mission Impossible-style thief managed to cut through the roof of Lincoln Fine Wines in Los Angeles and make off with 600 bottles of fine wine. Let that be a reminder that if you see anyone, absolutely anyone resembling Tom Cruise scoping out your neighborhood, it’s very much time you up your security game.
It’s that time of year where the annual crop of bubbly sangria has arrived. You see people, this is what happens when we're too busy watching the Russian 'coup de poo' and take our eyes off what really counts: making sangria in bathtubs and bathtubs alone. No. Damned. Bubbles. But, hey it's a sangria that’s got "antioxidants" and probably electrolytes, which are what plants crave, er... "cravan"?
From the Non-Sangria Spanish Drinks Desk, word arrives that apparently Arnie loves Albariño (ES). If you haven’t seen the Schwarzenegger swooning in Spanish news cycles as of late, you live a blessed life.
The No, Say It Isn’t So Bulletin has just telefaxed to report that even small amounts of alcohol can be detrimental to the brain! Thank god we’ve done away with: car crashes, eating hamburgers, and just generally existing on this planet so that we can focus only on the potential detrimental aspects of alcohol, which is a beverage we were 'clearly' drinking for the supposed health benefits.
They've discovered a 2,000 year-old pizza in a fresco. Next thing you know, they'll discover that wine was being made 8,000 years ago. Yes, we’ve long-peaked as a civilization.
Guy Fieri has teamed up with Sammy Hagar to launch a new Tequila for everyone who wasn't asking, "But what if the guy from Flavor Town who gave us 'donkey sauce' could bring us a new Celebooze Tequila?" Apparently his partner, Hagar, has some kind of background in the performing arts, or somethin’.
Important work has been carried out by Punch in asking the hard questions about pét-nat. Since it was quietly realized that piquette actually sucked (really a lot), then maybe pét-nat wasn't the second-coming of Champagne? Spoiler: it wasn’t.
What if there was a guy who looked like a French Tucker Carlson, but promoted natural wine? Because there is and yes, you’re not as cool as him and yes, you get hangovers because you don’t drink natural wine.
Fugging, Austria (which was founded in the 6th century CE by Focko, a Bavarian nobleman) was apparently called something else, much, much more profane until just two years ago.
Until we meet again, up in the cul of the cuvée.